Divine
by chocoholicannanymous
Summary: "To err is human - to fogive is divine". An encounter in a graveyard leads to Kurt having to reevaluate his thoughts on that saying. Goes AU just before or during the "Thanksgiving" episode.


Disclaimer: I own nothing except an overactive imagination and way too many plotbunnies.

 **Divine**

It's almost Thanksgiving, and Kurt wants to go home. Not just for the sake of the holiday, and to spend it with his family, but because it's his mom's birthday. This is the first year since she died that he hasn't visited her grave with flowers and tales of his life. It's not by choice though, but simply because he can't afford it.

He'd wasted all his favors on going back to Lima on a fool's errand, to try and get some closure from Blaine. He regrets it now, the longing leaving a bitter taste in his mouth and laying like a heavy lump in his stomach.

But. He's made his bed, no matter how stupidly, and so he's going to have to lie in it.

Right now that means staying in New York and working long hours every day. Rachel's staying too, and the two of them are going to have dinner with Brody. It won't be home, and it won't be what Kurt's heart desires, but it'll be the next best thing.

But today... There is no "next best thing" when it comes to visiting his mother's grave. It's silly really. It's just a place, and a piece of stone. There's nothing left of his mom there. So why does that place mean so much?

Why does visiting her grave at all mean so much, when Kurt does not believe in heaven and hell? Simple. It's his **mom**. Belief has nothing on that.

Isabelle lets him leave a little early, on account of being a bit distracted, but Kurt doesn't want to return to the loft. He knows that the second he walks in there'll be preparations for Thanksgiving dinner, and Rachel will be there and loud, and he just can't.

Instead Kurt walks along Broadway, allowing his head to fill with daydreams instead of longing and grief. And then a sign catches his eye. Trinity Cemetery. It's an impulsive decision, but Kurt goes there. He walks among the graves for a while, and then sits down, silent. Speaking to his mom is more about speaking to himself while remembering her, and trying to imagine what advice she would have for him, so surely he should be able to do that here just as well as in Lima?

Only the words won't come.

"You look like you're far far away."

Kurt jumps. There's an old lady seated next to him, without him noticing her, and he sends her a shaky smile.

"Caught up in memories?"

"Yes. It's... It's a bit silly, but it's my mom's birthday, and I always visit her grave. Only this year I can't, because I'm here instead of at home."

The white-haired woman nods.

"And so you thought you would try going here?"

"Because the place shouldn't matter, right? She's no less dead back home than she is here, so any place should work. Only I can't make myself talk to her here."

"But is it because of the place, or because of what you need to talk about?"

And that... She has a point. The most important things to happen to him since he last visited his mom's grave, the day before leaving Lima, are getting the internship and having his relationship crash and burn. Telling her – or anyone really – the former is easy, but the latter...

The latter still hurts.

"I know I'm not your mom, and I hate being an interfering old lady, but if you need someone to talk to, I am willing to listen. It's not like I have anywhere to be in a rush," the woman says with a soft smile. "And I am Maggie, by the way."

"Kurt."

It's crazy, really, the idea of sitting in a graveyard and talking to a stranger about his heartache. But at the same time it's not. He can't talk to Rachel about it, not again, and the same goes for Finn. As for his dad... No. Telling his dad the whole story is out of the question. Kurt might still feel betrayed by what Blaine did, but letting his dad go after Blaine is **not** the way.

And so he talks.

"You want to forgive him. He broke your trust, and your heart, and you want to forgive him." It's not a question, and yet Kurt can't do anything but shrug his shoulders. "It's not necessarily a bad thing you know. My late husband, bless his soul, would say that 'to err is human, to forgive is divine – but to forget is stupid as hell'."

Kurt blinks. That's **not** what he expected to hear.

"See, humans make mistakes. It's just how we are. And those mistakes can be small, or they can be enormous, and they can hurt us so much. The thing is we have to allow ourselves to forgive. Both our own mistakes and the ones done against us.

"Because if we don't? That kind of burden can be very heavy, and very poisonous. So when we can, we should forgive. But we should never forget."

"But, doesn't that just make things worse? If you don't forget, then how do you make things good again, when the past is being dragged up again?"

It makes no sense. Being reminded of your mistakes is painful, like a wound that's never allowed to heal, and surely that has to be poisonous too?

"Sometimes things aren't meant to be good again. See, the trick is to realize that forgiving doesn't necessarily mean accepting. Also, forgiveness isn't mandatory. If you feel that you want to forgive, and you can, then yes. By all means, let yourself. But if you can't? I believe that the reason we say that to forgive is divine is because some things can only be forgiven by someone who is all-powerful.

"As for why we shouldn't forget, well, it's simple. If we forget what has been done, or allow the offender to forget, then the slate is wiped clean. And then the next time it's still strike one, right? Because the actual strike one has been forgotten. And when you let that happen? There tends to be a lot of 'first strikes' that way. We learn from the past, and we can't be do that if it's allowed to fade away from memory."

 **That** however makes sense. When it's put like that, well, Kurt can see how cheating definitely wasn't Blaine's first strike. It wasn't strike two either, and if he's truly honest maybe their whole relationship should have struck out – to continue the simile – long before they reached that point.

Except it never did, because Kurt forgave and forgot.

He finds himself nodding silently, heart and throat and eyes aching.

"Maybe I need to think harder about that whole forgiveness thing. Before I say something I end up regretting." Because god, it's so obvious now that he's allowing himself to think about it that should he end up telling Blaine "I forgive you" he'll be expected to forget as well.

And Kurt doesn't think he can do that. Not now. Maybe not ever. He definitely doesn't think he should. He and Blaine has buried too many conflicts and issues, from day one, and look where that led them. Regardless of what place – if any –Blaine will have in Kurt's life from now on, that has to change.

(Something tells Kurt his ex would not appreciate hearing that.)

And then the clock strikes. Kurt checks the time, and flies up from the bench.

"Oh my god, it's **that** late? My roommate is going to strangle me! I'll be lucky if she hasn't already called the police! I'm sorry, but I need to leave. I really enjoyed talking to you though, Maggie. It really helped. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, hurry along. No need to stress out your friend any more."

Kurt hesitates, because it really is late, but he's been raised right.

"Can I escort you home? Or to the subway? Rachel will understand." _I think_.

"Oh no. That's very nice of you, but I'm going to sit here for a little while longer. I still have a talk of my own to get to, you know. Now, you take care, Kurt Hummel, and be careful with your forgiveness. And remember–"

"Don't forget. I won't, Maggie. Thank you again. Really."

It's not until Kurt's halfway home that he realizes he never told Maggie his last name.

~The End ~


End file.
